Saturday, May 14, 2011
1. I think that even though my husband is a man, and men are indeed fallible; somehow I landed one of the few who are faithful and trustworthy and sincere. And still, I have issues of jealousy which stem from my upbringing. I should say, are deeply rooted in my upbringing, unfortunately. Growing up, the women surrounding me were very sweet, but also very superficial. I went through a very awkward stage and I wasn't the prettiest girl in the family, so I never really got attention for my physical appearance, and on the contrary, my gramma (God rest her soul) was keen on making me a virtuous, humble person. Her approach was therefore, blatantly insulting :) Looking back it's actually funny... I seriously hold no grudges... but its funny to see the extents that her and my father took to 'keep me humble' oh wow.. some bordered on abuse. BUT thats another story. In the end, I still ended up a little superficial somehow; probably through the influence of my friends and cousins, my peers, the mass-media... lets just say for the sake of this blog that I know what 'attractiveness' means to the world and... I'm aware that I'm no Kardashian. This has started to bother me ever since I got married. I am aware of the effect that these images of the perfect celebrity body has on my own heart, and now to add to that pressure, I have a man who is exposed to these same images daily, who I have to keep loving me. Now on one hand, I underestimate my husband. Because although, yes, the Prophet (saw) said :I fear no fitnah (trial) for my people more than the fitnah of women." (Alluding to the prowess and sesual power women have over men/ i.e. we are one of their greatest weaknesses)... men are not drooling, mindless zombies...well... maybe some are... but this blog is about my life, and they dont effect me. MY HUSBAND is not a drooling mindless zombie and I know that he realizes that 'beauty is only skin deep'... and he's not attracted to the superficial things these women have to offer.
I think my condition stems from my own evils. Sometimes we project our own evils onto others, form a bad opinion of them based on our own internal state.
I'll give you a for instance. My honey bear and I are driving along in the park this month, and a half-naked jogger in mint physical condition trollies on past our stopped car. I notice her, feel something (jealousy/suspicious/ su'a dthun (assuming the worst)) in my heart, and immediately turn to my husband to see if he's looking at her. When he see's me peering at him, he asks why I'm looking at him with this expression. I couldn't answer. It'd be ridiculous, and a fight-starter if I tried. I dont answer. This is something I have to defeat alone in myself. I am projecting my own evils onto him. I am noticing these things, and for some strange reason, admiring them in my own way, and assuming that he, as a man, is admiring them too. Then I get jealous! INSANITY, NO??? *sigggghhhh*
Lauryn Hill said, "It could all be so simple. But you'd rather make it hard."
Pretty much, Ms. Hill. Pretty much.
My Gramma was a good woman. Despite the silliness I mentioned earlier. She said when I got married that'd I'd soon discover the baggage I'd bring to the relationship because of my upbringing. Amen, Gramma. Now to lay my burden down by the riverside...
let go of this baggage and live a life outside the realm of a backward upbringing...
where nearly every single man in my entire family has been unfaithful to his wife...
So lets assume a sister is in fact married to a dirty-dog cheater... but she assumes the best of him and in the end is let down. Honestly... she is the winner if she is patient with this trial.
If a woman has full trust in Allah (swt), she doesn't rely on anyone else (including her beloved husband) for fulfillment. So when/if she's let down... she was innocent, steadfast and will inshaAllah have the last laugh (if that's what this is all about)...
But... I dont know if anyone is familiar with Madea (Tyler Perrys) Why Did I Get Married? ... there is a character... I think her name is Dianne, she is like the typical woman I was kind of looking up to. But she's crazy. Constantly checking up on her husband and obsessively assuming he's unfaithful. In the movie, its funny but in real life, its sickening. Here's a clip of the insanity: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpuDrtcSW3A&feature=related - just watch from 1:25 onward... so thats one thing
2. Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (RA) says that Rasulullah (SAW) said: “Four traits whoever possesses them is a hypocrite and whoever possesses some of them has an element of hypocrisy until he leaves it: the one who when he speaks he lies, when he promises he breaks his promise, when he disputes he transgresses and when he makes an agreement he violates it.” (Muslim and Bukhari)
enough said. for tonight.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Allahumma inni a'oodhoo bika O Allah! I seek refuge in You from anxiety
minal-hammi wal-huzni, wal-'ajzi and sorrow, weakness and laziness,
wal-kasali wal-bukhli wal-jubni, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of
wa dal'id-dayni wa ghalabatir- debts and from being oppressed by men.
DUA FOR DISTRESS
Allahumma rahmataka arjoo falaa O Allah! It is Your mercy that I hope for
takilnee ilaa nafsee tarfata so do not leave me in charge of my affairs
'aynin wa aslih-lee sha'nee even for a blink of an eye; and rectify
kullahu, laa ilaha illa anta for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be
worshipped except You.
The Healthy Heart
On the Day of Resurrection, only those who come to Allah with a healthy heart will be saved. Allah says:
"The day on which neither wealth nor sons will be of any use, except for whoever brings to Allah a sound heart. (26:88-89)"
In defining the healthy heart, the following has been said: "It is a heart cleansed from any passion that challenges what Allah commands, or disputes what He forbids. It is free from any impulses which contradict His good. As a result, it is safeguarded against the worship of anything other than Him, and seeks the judgement of no other except that of His Messenger . Its services are exclusively reserved for Allah, willingly and lovingly, with total reliance, relating all matters to Him, in fear, hope and sincere dedication. When it loves, its love is in the way of Allah. If it detests, it detests in the lght of what He detests. When it gives, it gives for Allah. If it witholds, it withholds for Allah. Nevertheless, all this will not suffice for its salvation until it is free from following, or taking as its guide, anyone other than His Messenger ." A servant with a healthy heart must dedicate it to its journey's end and not base his actions and speech on those of any other person except Allah's Messenger . He must not give precedence to any other faith or words or deeds over those of Allah and His Messenger, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. Allah says:
"Oh you who believe, do not put yourselves above Allah and His Messenger, but fear Allah, for Allah is Hearing, Knowing. (49:1)"
The Dead Heart
This is the opposite of the healthy heart. It does not know its Lord and does not worship Him as He commands, in the way which He likes, and with which He is pleased. It clings instead to its lusts and desires, even if these are likely to incur Allah's displeasure and wrath. It worships things other than Allah, and its loves and its hatreds, and its giving and its withholding, arise from its whims, which are of paramount importance to it and preferred above the pleasure of Allah. Its whims are its imam. Its lust is its guide. Its ignorance is its leader. Its crude impulses are its impetus. It is immersed in its concern with worldly objectives. It is drunk with its own fancies and its love for hasty, fleeting pleasures. It is called to Allah and the akhira from a distance but it does not respond to advice, and instead it follows any scheming, cunning shayton. Life angers and pleases it, and passion makes it deaf and blind (1) to anything except what is evil.
To associate and keep company with the owner of such a heart is to tempt illness: living with him is like taking poison, and befriending him means utter destruction.
The Sick Heart
This is a heart with life in it, as well as illness. The former sustains it at one moment, the latter at another, and it follows whichever one of the two manages to dominate it. It has love for Allah, faith in Him, sincerity towards Him, and reliance upon Him, and these are what give it life. It also has a craving for lust and pleasure, and prefers them and strives to experience them. It is full of self-admiration, which can lead to its own destruction. It listens to two callers: one calling it to Allah and His Prophet and the akhira; and the other calling it to the fleeting pleasures of this world. It responds to whichever one of the two happens to have most influence over it at the time.
The first heart is alive, submitted to Allah, humble, sensitive and aware; the second is brittle and dead; the third wavers between either its safety or its ruin.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Facebook has been taking care of my recent feelings and given me a channel to express myself, share recent writings and poetry, and accept feedback... but today, I think, requires a blog entry. Plus da man doesn't like facebook AT ALL (which poses the question: is there more harm or benefit in my having a facebook account?...something for me to ponder and also ask any readers of my blog. help me out on that if you would.)