rAnDoM tHoUgHtS

Couple of thoughts: First, why did Brittney go crazy and Justin didn't (necessarily)? I think its a testament to the sexual pressure on females in this culture (which is especially directed toward, but not limited to celebrities). I was thinking that when I saw some controversy on the news over our dear, dear Hannah Montana aka Miley Cirus. Apparently, she grew up. And its not pretty. THANK GOD I am spared of that world of pressure when I leave my house...yay hijab.

Second, I learned today that I have to treat Yusuf the way I'd like him to treat his precious baby sister. This, after she began to cry and he yelled in her ear 'Stoooooooooooooooop!', leading her to a nervous break down and and a subsequent heart attack for myself. So, lesson learned. I don't yell at him, and he won't yell at her.

Lastly, I was pondering the spacing of the kids in my family. I love the fact that Yusuf and Mariam Sofia are so close. If God would be so gracious as to allow me 4, I'd be more then satisfied. So, we're half done. But I guess I was thinking about when I can go back to school... and weather or not to 'home-school', and travelling gets complicated the more kids you have. So I'm thinking about getting the IUD for the next 4 years or so, which would put me at 26 yrs old, Yusuf in 1st grade at 6 yrs old, Mariam would be 4 1/2, Mohamed would be 34 (still young)...

and my peers would probably just be getting married and having kids of their own, which is good because we can help each other out. Well, my med. school friends at least...others might get married sooner. Anyway... inshaAllah by that time we'll be in Toronto anyway so it won't be a million dollars o take the plane with all the kiddies. We could just drive down to visit family in New York. And about my school... hmm...I guess its on the back burner until God opens a window of opportunity; and until then, these kids are priority number one. NOW I see why Muslim girls say 'I have to get my degree first, then I can get married'... DUH! ;)

Also, I was thinking about the next time someone asks me why I became a Muslim, or why I wear hijab. I think I'm just going to answer 'desperate times call for desperate measures.' Because in all truth, that's why.

Every journey of a thousand miles...

Begins with a single step. Today, my first step is to stop. To get out of the rat race, off the social scene, and make myself content with what is in my home. It has caused a lot of strife in my daily happenings, and a bit of turmoil in my marriage. It has pressed my heart daily- the beckoning of the outdoors!!! Growing up, no one asked me about my doings or whereabouts, I used to save a few dollars during the work/school week and stay with friends in the city on weekends, going and coming as I pleased. Being a latchkey kid was more then a pleasure when I was young... but since I've become a Muslim, I find myself struggling (in a positive way) to listen to and obey the Qur'anic injunction for Muslim women to stay in our homes (33:33). When I first became a Muslim, I lived with an AMAZING family who took me in, loved me and provided for me as if I were their own; and I regret admitting that I actually made my 'auntie' (the mother of the home I stayed in) worry quite a bit when I'd wander into the new town after school, or take a random bus trip into the city, not necessarily with full permission. It's like an addiction... but to what? Fresh air? That can be had in one's backyard! I don't know... it must be the people watching... the promise of interaction with strangers, the possibility of learning something new, discovering, opportunity, culture, food... these are usually the things that draw me out of my home. Especially when I was single.

Now, I'm married. I have two beautiful babies (Yusuf is 2 years old, Mariam Sofia is 5 mos), and I still feel the occasional 'call of the wild'. Well, its a little more then occasional. More like every other day. It's a little more difficult now, of course, being sure I have the diaper bag handy, packed with preparations to tend to every possible situation that could and does go wrong, being sure I'll have a private, comfortable place to breastfeed and enough food to pacify myself and my toddler (who has the appetite of a grown lumberjack). These circumstances have certainly put a damper on my free-for-all adventurous lifestyle, but for the better. Now, it's time for me to adjust, which definitely requires Divine Guidance, patience, far-sightedness, and wisdom. So among other things, this journey will be discussed in my future writings.