Facebook has been taking care of my recent feelings and given me a channel to express myself, share recent writings and poetry, and accept feedback... but today, I think, requires a blog entry. Plus da man doesn't like facebook AT ALL (which poses the question: is there more harm or benefit in my having a facebook account?...something for me to ponder and also ask any readers of my blog. help me out on that if you would.)
So... what I've been through lately has been emotionally intense, alhamdulillah for everything... it could just be my 'emotional' era of the month lol. BUT nonetheless, I'll write if only for therapeutic purposes.
My intuition has been spot-on lately! Sometimes in life, it turns out that I'm either reading a person wrong, or my instincts are based on my own gut feelings instead of proof or evidence and end up being false. But lately, everything (to my dismay) has been exactly as I felt it was. :( Which has been sad because it dealt with very close friends of mine... this isn't the venue to discuss details, but it's been rough trying to read body language, read between lines of statements... GOD why can't women just be clear and direct and to-the-point??? At the same time, we are Muslims and there are manners of argumentation to be observed so I can see where the tension lies when one is trying to be as appropriate as possible while attempting to file a complaint against another girl. And gossip/slander is NEVER an option... so that eliminates that category of 'expression'.
Moving on... I've been learning SO much that I actually have to write it down specifically to organize my thought and clearly define the lessons.
Lesson 1: "Pillow talk"- I've been coming to realize that the husband is not the place to bring complaints. Even if you need someone as a confidant or someone to turn to for advice... I'm not so sure the husband is the right one. Actually I dont know who is the right one. Maybe we're supposed to lock up our negativity, collect it into a condensed mass, and during a dua'a, hurl it up into the sky for out Most Benevolent Creator to handle; and pray for peace of heart and patience in trying times. Because even if we try to confide in our husbands... I think it's still gossip. You know? Doesn't matter what your intentions are... I can rationalize and try to justify the gheeba by saying 'I'm seeking advice', or 'I need to get this off my chest' or 'vent' but in the end, its all the same. No distinction was made when the Prophet (as) prohibited gheeba and defined it. I think this is where true tawakelt3alaAllah (trust in Allah) comes in handy. Is there a better being to confide-in then arRafia el3ala? (The Highest of Companions)
And honestly, thats going to prove far more beneficial in this life and in the next. Allah is sufficient in disposing of affairs.
Lesson 2: Cut back on using the word 'no'. "When asked for something, the Prophet (asws) never said the word 'no', but instead he encouraged conversation and dialogue until the right conclusion was found. Even when a young man came to the Prophet and asked him for permission to have an intimate relationship with a girl outside of marriage, the most beloved Prophet of God didn't over react. He calmly called the boy to join the group where he was sitting, and asked him the following: "Would you like for someone to fornicate with your mother, daughter or sister?" When the boy stated the obvious 'no', the Prophet, peace be upon him said, "Just as you dislike this for your relatives, so your neighbour dislikes it for his relatives." Basically, do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. So if the Prophet answered this very difficult question in such a way as to transcend the crude 'no', then surely I can defeat my inclination to end a request from my 3-year-old or .. anyone else for that matter, with a blunt, controlling 'no'. Or 'because I said so'... and treat him/them with the utmost respect, convincing them that this is not the best thing at the moment, or maybe at all. Also, presenting alternative options is the best way to say 'no' kindly to Yusuf. Like no chocolate milk right now, but heres an all natural homemade mouth watering fruit smoothie (no sugar added) :)
Lesson 3: The Sheikh at our Islamic Conference this weekend set forth a parable. Consider the GPS (lol); how does it correct the mistake of the driver? It calmly redirects; pleasantly presenting the better option to reach the goal. :) This is how a spouse should correct the mistakes or faults of their better half.
Yusuf went to his first day of pre-school today. We got up early, did the whole hygiene routine, brought him over and I stayed for a while just watching before I left. I don't know what to do with myself, I've just been blogging, cleaning and eating. I have Sofie so it's not like I can take a class or join the gym... so ... I'm just kinda letting him have some social life, learning to listen to other authority figures then me. I guess his benefits in this pre-school are the above listed as well as; 1. a change of environment/ people 2. learning/ creating crafts 3. interacting with other kids then those of our close family friends.
But if I begin to detect any change of attitude or behaviour thats not a positive change, hes outta there FAST. I've worked too hard for some pre-school to spoil all his training. Anyway, this is the best place in the city, so inshaAllah rabbel 3alameen I'm hoping for the best. The teachers seem kind and passionate about their work, I see evidence of safety, organization and child-centeredness all over the place in there. Little crafts and memories the kids participated in are hanging on the walls... inshaAllah inshaAllah inshaAllah khair <3
hmmm what else...
I've been humbled recently by a REALLY stupid thing I did... and I've heard that if a bad action leads to humility, it's better then a good action that leads to pride (in some cases) so... I hope I always remember my own mistake(s) and let them keep me lowly so that when others make mistakes, especially those close to my heart, I can bear my faults in mind and be easy on them in terms of forgiveness. On that note, why is it so easy to forgive/pardon strangers but harder to forgive those closest to us? ... those who most deserve our kindness??
Gotta go pick up my love, Yusuf <3
I'll probably follow this though up later.